Windows

In the world of work ‘Windows’ can mean many things: Microsoft Windows (or simply Windows) is a metafamily of graphical operating systems running on 90% of workspace computers. The company’s modus operandi is to regularly release new versions and then expect users to load updates or buy new versions to correct all the ‘issues’ (broken bits) built into the previous one. ‘Windows’ is an absolute office-speak favourite, for example: “There's only a small window to manage the optics around the vision”; or “I have a window to discuss external visibility issues, so my door is open.” Then there is the popular office minion joke, “I never look out of the window until after lunch as it gives me something to do in the afternoon”. Executives have little time for such hilarity, as they are usually busy “leveraging strategies for synergies of scalability, pushing the envelope through the window of emergent opportunity”.

Glide Path

This describes the series of steps that lead to a defined business or corporate goal. 'Glide Paths' help staff do things the way they should be done and in the right sequence. They eliminate messy new ideas, initiative or dangerous forays into doing things better. It's also the places an aeroplane needs to be on final approach, so that it lands nicely on the runway, not upside down in a field some miles away. Above we see an example of a glidepath achieved from the back of a mobile office. These offices create a sweet spot, where forward momentum can be sustained and enjoyed.

Hammock Task

 

These are jobs or assignments with very little work or responsibility involved. They are a bit like gardening leave, but without the gardening. If you have been given a hammock task, you'll probably want to see how long you can string it out for. If you do it well you might get a raise or a follow-on easy-life mission to have a stab at. At the end of the day, a hammock is where you want to be. This picture captures staff at the office enjoying some hammock tasks at the end of the day.

The Wheel's Come Off

This phrase is largely banned in forward-thinking, go-ahead, positive-vibe organisations. It reflects a sense of looming or arrived disaster that  can have a detrimental impact on team morale. If your wheel actually does come off, then try not to make a fuss, radiate extreme confidence that the wheel can be put back on. Hopefully no-one will notice and even if they do, your reassuring demeanour  will be infectious.

Traction

This word is used to describe whether anyone is taking any notice of a shiny new idea or concept in the office. 'Traction' can be combined with 'buy-in' for a double word score in Dilbert Scrabble.  Traction means static friction such as the amount of grip a tyre has on a surface. It is best to keep tyres inflated to the recommended pressure and to check for a decent tread depth before heading out. In warm weather, tyres are full of hot air, much like many executives.

Socialise

"Socialise" in Corporate-land means showing people a report you have prepared, ahead of a big meeting. You do this in the hope that by sucking up to them, they will support your recommendations (or at least stay awake until that agenda item). Other sorts of socialising are frankly more sociable. For example having breakfast with your colleagues at the beach.

Finger In The Wind

Putting a finger in the wind is to reach a corporate twaddle decision arbitrarily, with no clear rationale. This is often how business is done, based on a hunch or sometimes just the need to be 'doing something or looking busy'. Weather boffs and sailing types like to know which way the wind is blowing; of course it may not be (see above picture where there is a flat calm). So here the finger raising would be energy wasted and more useful things can be done with the no-longer-raised digit. Bonus tip: Try not to mix your office-speak expressions unless you are an advanced practitioner, e.g. "Don't put your finger in the wind and call it due diligence"!